What is your favorite crime

The best from all over the world

For decades I have been cherishing and maintaining a collection of newspaper reports about criminals who have acted particularly stupid in the exercise of their profession, a genre about which there are whole books and special websites, recommendable reading on gray days: Hundreds of law breakers who have Bank robberies forgot their ID on the counter, in the event of a break-in they drank up the house owner's schnapps and fell asleep, got stuck in the chimney of the house and had to be laboriously freed or who, as recently in Groß Düngen near Hildesheim, intended to rob a supermarket - only it was already closed. The perpetrators, masked with balaclavas, stood around perplexed until neighbors had informed the police.

Here is a hit list of my seven favorite criminals.

place seven: Mr. K. from Gelsenkirchen, who wanted to rob a bank in Walchum near Papenburg in 2011. He took a hostage, but only noticed in the bank, looking for the counter, that there were only statement printers, ATMs and neon signs. The branch has been closed since 1994. "That was the early morning disappointment," he said in court, where he ended up after leaving his plastic pistol with his police-known DNA in the stolen car.

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In place six the two men who tried to rob a British newsagent eleven years ago. Unfortunately, they forgot to cut eye slits in their stocking masks, crashed into each other, hit the counter and failed to notice that the owner was calling the police. To find the door, they had to remove their masks and were filmed by a camera.

A little better, therefore space five: Three men who tried to empty the safe of a bank in Scotland in 1975 got stuck in the revolving door as soon as they arrived. Servants released them, the men thanked them and left, but returned, this time opening the revolving door and demanding £ 5,000 from the cashier. The clerk laughed at her, an angry robber jumped over the counter, but broke his ankle in the process. The other two tried to escape, but got stuck in the revolving door.

According to the motto "We clear the way", we set in Saarmund near Potsdam (Platz four!) Gangsters with a truck backwards through the glass front of a bank foyer, attached a rope to the machine and the trailer coupling and escaped with the device that was torn from its anchoring, which was the statement printer.

place three for the colleagues who tried the same thing with a car, got the ATM machine, but unfortunately couldn't tear it out. Instead, the bumper came off. The men fled, forgetting that their license plate was on the bumper.

In place two we find two Parisian crooks who stole a car with a "For Sale" sign in the back window that they forgot to remove. An interested party phoned the owner to find out the location of his car - and the police that of the thieves.

And then I keep seeing this man who recently broke into a glasses store in the Argentine city of Rosario, but set off the alarm system. When the police arrived there was no robber in sight, but the officers noticed a somewhat strange mannequin. DPA reports
she "turned out" to be the burglar. place one, just for the choice of words.

A special honor goes to Thomas Parkin from New York, who gave a false social security number and a fake date of birth at the funeral home after his mother died. He then continued to exist as his own mother, collecting her pension, sneaking $ 100,000 and even, disguised in a red coat, wig and oxygen bottle and accompanied by an accomplice, doing all sorts of fraudulent banking transactions. 13 years in prison! But wasn't it punishment enough having to live as one's own mother?

Illustration: Dirk Schmidt