Why should my heart go on
I mean, after all, I was sitting there with make-up and my four-inch high-heeled boots in the middle of the sisters who were wearing their religious robes. (If I imagine only having to wear gray and black, then that means a huge sacrifice.) The answer of a sister amazed me: She told me that you can feel how much an inner longing consumes me, how I seek closeness to a life with God and how honestly I am interested in questions of discipleship. Appearances are then only a minor matter.
After such a short time these were big words in my ears, which I gratefully received. It made me realize more strongly than before that it was really about something inside. The sister looked into my heart, read it from my words, from my questions, from my writing, from my voice - to tell me that what drives me is a gift from God. Externals can be discarded, but not internals.
Nevertheless, I was almost certain that my way could not be monastery life. But I didn't want to close this door too hastily and thought that it couldn't hurt to get the confirmation on site and possibly learn more about what I could do in my life in the future. Now, after the experience, everything is open again for me. I cannot close this door because that would close my vocation path.
I felt good, more than that, I was happy that something was recognized in me that indicates that God really has something in store for me. With me. God has something in store for me and I can take small steps to seek out his hand.
Maybe you have experienced something similar before or do you want it?
In order to be able to follow this hint of God, one must concentrate on it and leave family and friends behind a little. It's tough, but it's important.
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