How can one overcome glee?


The joy of harming others

Why do people enjoy the bad luck of their fellow human beings? Asks Christa Schyboll

Schadenfreude can affect anyone. And most people have experienced it both as a victim and as a perpetrator and know both sides of the coin.

There may be people who are unfamiliar with the feeling of glee. Their number should be manageable. Because there are reasons that the human species developed this feeling in the course of soul and spirit evolution.

However, there will be more people who would falsely claim that this feeling is completely unknown to them when asked about it. The likely reason for the negative: You are ashamed of this feeling. You don't want it, but it keeps breaking out here and there. Depending on the person, event and common life context. They know perfectly well that schadenfreude doesn’t leave a glory sheet on the agenda of one's emotional scale.

Therefore, this widespread type belongs more to those who "only" secretly feel malicious joy. A victim is not openly laughed at, there is more secretly whimpering inside. This type already has a first sensitivity for the malicious, negative side of this emerging emotion, which is still part of him. Here, however, a self-reflection is already at work, which at least prevents the rising evil inside from getting unrestrained space outside. The victim often misses the fact that it is still noticed by the victim.

Less or not at all self-reflective are all those who openly carry malicious joy in front of them and live it out loud and directly. They may mock or mock the victims of bad luck or mishap. Some people also shower the victim with sarcasm or malice.

This type is honest in his own way in his still icy feelings. Some are vicious, vengeful - but in any case openly malicious. Nothing is happening in secret anymore, because one would very much like to enlarge the existing misfortune.

Harmful pleasure as a relationship act

Schadenfreude can affect anyone. And most people have experienced it both as a victim and as a perpetrator and know both sides of the coin. Whether this experience was always accompanied by a wide-awake awareness of the process is decisive. Because as long as you do not understand the connections, you will have to walk in a hamster wheel of incomprehension for a long time and you will not be able to overcome this negative feeling so quickly. Such overcoming needs maturity and philanthropy, which has a universal character and not arbitrariness from person to person.

Due to its dualistic givens (good-bad, right-wrong, etc.), reality has produced envious and envious people in the world in abundance. People who envy other people almost everything because their own life is empty and sad or has accumulated too much frustration that breaks out in such moments when someone else is unhappy. It often doesn't matter whether the envious or disapproving person owns the "things" himself or not ... he envy it in any case, because his lower feelings are just as they are. And he still doesn't understand why they are like that.

Often, however, there is an act of emotional relationship with schadenfreude, which usually already has an older "story". This "story" can be a one-sided or a shared affair. The hallmark is mostly: It was never worked up. The reasons for not dealing with it can be varied. If something unpleasant happens to one of the people who are fatefully connected to one another, the glee can break open or hidden violently. Some see it as a kind of "divine" or "fateful" justice that something negative happened to the other, which subjectively felt was "overdue" for a long time. The malicious person often does not even have the slightest share in the current misfortune, but is often only an onlooker of the mishap. It is only important to him that the opponent is hit to the core. Only then often brings the satisfaction of the lower feelings in oneself. A secret, long-cherished "wish" for "balance" comes true. Without strong emotions in the victim, schadenfreude has no breeding ground for others either.

Overcoming the weaker self

The glee is particularly common among all those who have suffered real or alleged injustice and long for an inner balance through life itself. Here, the question of justice, which cannot be carried out on a legal or factual level, becomes a matter of a perceived "higher" authority - even if it is called "coincidence", which one is at the same time not as coincidental, but more than feels "skillful".

But there are also a number of people who generally have a feeling of envy and resentment. There is no need for a history here. Some feel like they missed out in life. Others feel neglected by the social environment and have so far perhaps failed to look out for how much they themselves bring into this WE with their community of really valuable things. A number of fellow human beings also lack a healthy attitude towards life, which is not a happy self-service shop for egoists. In order to obtain fruit, it is necessary to sow beforehand and to prepare the ground beforehand. Often there is still a lack of overview of one's own share in the highly personal unhappiness. If they then meet people who are doing really well, envy, resentment or malicious pleasure stand in line.

The open glee is often accompanied by a humiliation that affects the unlucky victim or the unfortunate more than twice. Because if the misfortune in itself is not big enough, the emotional stresses caused by malice or irony must also be endured - instead of getting a constructive understanding from the other. Only true understanding can provide meaningful consolation that goes beyond merely paying lip service to pity, which is often perceived as humiliating.

Heart strength as a way out of the hamster wheel

The hidden, clandestinely malicious pleasure cannot always be identified "with certainty". However, it is often felt on one occasion or the other, even if it is vehemently denied. Because the clandestine glee often emanates a very specific charisma that many victims do not miss, provided they have already developed sensitive antennas for the non-verbal utterances and are no longer subject to the danger of projection. But these sensations usually elude what can be proven and are more on the scale of inner experiences.

Anyone who observes closely knows for a long time that it is not just words that speak eloquently. It is always the overall attitude towards the other in itself, which can manifest itself in countless different ways and which gives testimony to the true inner attitude information ... beyond every spoken or non-spoken word.

Overcoming the glee in oneself requires a heart force of love that includes all people. Especially those you have problems with. This process is a necessary act in many steps that does not live from assertions, but from the tangible act itself. Great and noble words are spoken quickly - but the heart itself cannot be corrupted when it feels. The practice of overcoming is similar to that of the other negative traits that almost all human beings have in themselves ... may they be aware of it or not.

However, the positive alternatives as a repertoire of the possible and the future are all available to us without exception, if we just want to strive for them. People who consciously and willingly work on it will find the right words in the misfortune of the other - or the right silence. In this way, they have a constructive effect on the unlucky fellow's beautiful future forces according to the motto: Whoever falls can get up again and grow beyond himself.

Schadenfreude can appear in seemingly harmless or serious contexts of life. However, their dismantling is desirable because it adds further unfortunate to disaster. This is also possible, for example, through honest self-criticism, which is based on the will to shape the inner pig dog into a loving togetherness - also and especially with those with whom one has it more difficult for many reasons than with other contemporaries.